Strange feelings about the future

For some reason, during the last couple of years, I’ve been having this feeling that one day I’m going to be known by a lot of people. I don’t know how that would happen, and I know that it might sound kind of stupid — at least for me, since I think it’s absolutely ridiculous when people say that they wanna be famous and “be on TV” one day –, but I don’t wanna be famous like that. I just sometimes feel like I’m gonna, one way or the other, even as I might not try to.

Anyway. I’ve always thought very little of myself, and although I know that’s generally not a very cool thing, I think it is good in a way. Now that I’ve kinda learned not to exagerately focus on my flaws, at least I tend to be quite realistic about myself.

I realize that I’ve always been a very shy girl, and that I’m always craving for approval and I’ve always been a little bit fascinated by the idea of proving that I’m really good at whatever I do and stuff like that. For that reason, the idea of being famous makes me fear that I might become arrogant and shallow, or that I might get so overwhelmed with fame that I might forget what my life purpose really is.

I pray that God won’t let that happen to me, and that, if it really is His plan to make me somewhat “famous”, and if He knows (since He knows everything) that fame will deviate me from His path, He won’t let me be famous at all.

“But Balaam answered them, “Even if Balak gave me all the silver and gold in his palace, I could not do anything great or small to go beyond the command of the LORD my God.” (Numbers 22: 18)

“Peter and the other apostles replied: ‘We must obey God rather than human beings!'” (Acts 5: 29)

But I know that He will give me enough wisdom to remain my own down-to-earth self. He always has.


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